Reflection on Mental Health and Adam Lanza

Read this article:  I Was Adam Lanza ARTICLE

Though it's still unknown why Adam Lanza did what he did, and I think it's a bad idea to come to early conclusions, here is an article that anyone working with children who are at risk for violent outbreaks should read.  It's not easy work, and though you might be pushed away, you need to continue to stay strong and show that love towards the person.  They might not accept it now, but the hope is that someday they will.  This boy did.

This article and the article "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" have had me thinking about some of the people I have had the opportunity to work with. In the following reflection, some details are changed and individuals names are left out for their protection.

For a short time I held a nanny position for a child who was diagnosed with ASD and experiencing the tough changes of puberty.  Along with the many emotional changes he was experiencing, he was also a physically powerful young boy who had regular violent outbreaks.  Those outbreaks were often directed towards the people who were closest to him.  Those were the same people who gave him the most love, and wanted so badly for him to be able to control his behaviors. His family and teachers gave him so much love, but he was still missing the feeling of connection.  This difficulty in forming relationships and feeling affection is very common with children on the spectrum.  However, very few of these children exhibit violent outbreaks...so please don't make that assumption. The feeling of love and affection is a basic need for all of us, and the ability to accept it is a necessary coping mechanism that gets us through difficult times.  No matter how tough it sometimes is to give or accept love, it is necessary.  This boy did not want to let close relationships form.  But did he?  He pushed people away as soon as they began to form a relationship.  This included me.

(Disclaimer: Though I am a Music Therapist by trade, I was this boys nanny, not his therapist).

Because his outbursts were so violent, the cops were regularly at his home, and I would often find myself taking knives out of his hands, prying my hair out of his fingers, or being pushed to the floor. Although I was trained in crisis intervention techniques like SCIP-r and TCI, I was not always able to get out of the way quick enough to avoid danger, and my main concern was his safety. Restraints were not an option in this situation. We were always watching out for triggers of these behaviors, and I worked closely with his mother to find therapists and get him into programs that offered support.  But this was an ongoing battle for all of us to get him the help he needed, and this battle for help continues to this day for every parent and individual with special needs.

Unfortunately, because this boys outbursts were becoming more violent and directed towards me, I was unable to safely continue working with him in this setting.  It was very sad for me because he needed people to stay close to him and show that love.  He was in the habit of pushing everyone away. However, this was a time when my professional limits were exceeded and the environment was not right to continue.  I did what I could, while I could, and I do not regret a moment of it.

I am sharing this because I have worked with a number of violent individuals over the past few years, and it is very hard to really know every trigger, when and where they will happen, and why.  Every individual is different, and every day is different.  I am sharing this because several sources point to the idea that Adam Lanza may have been on the spectrum.  I am sharing this because I want people to know that every child on the spectrum DOES NOT exhibit violent behaviors.  I am sharing this because I care for the children, the mothers, and the teachers involved.  Please don't make assumptions, but do understand that there are millions of people suffering from isolation and the inability to experience and share love.  Tragic events like this should not happen, but please don't point the blame so harshly on the individuals involved.
So what can you do?  Give a little love to the people you are close with, and make sure they know you are there for them no matter what.  And if they push you away, continue to be there for them.
No matter how tough it sometimes is to give or accept love, it is necessary.